The time has come

It has been exactly one year since my last post, which can only mean one thing: it’s time to write my last post.

Try as I might, I simply did not post often enough, and my Occupational ADD takes full responsibility for that. It’s sorry it let you down and is very…hey look! A new endeavor!

Don’t worry. I won’t be leaving the blogosphere for good. I have recently started working on a new idea (with Ritalin as my new BFF) that involves the Internet, personal journals and, well, you.

If you want to know how you can be a part of this idea and potentially become very rich and appear on the front of TIME magazine or, even better, a Wheaties box, email me at the following:

otherpeoplesjournals (at) gmail (dot) com

As far as the fate of this blog goes, I really can’t bring myself to delete it. Maybe it’s because I did work hard on it initially. Blood, sweat and coffee went into its making. Good coffee too. Or maybe it’s because subconsciously I want to leave a size 8 e-footprint. Or maybe it’s simply because I’m a pack rat and have major issues with throwing things away — don’t TOUCH that shoebox! It’s very important!

Whatever the reason, I’m just going to let this blog continue to exist in peace.

And harmony.

Caution: Falling Ice

Here’s a question for you:

You’re walking down the street in Chicago and you see this sign in front of you (sign at left). What do you do?

A) Run for your life.

B) Pull out the hard hat that you carry with you at all times.

C) Stop and look up.

D) Laugh and keep walking at the pace you were going because deep down you know there’s really nothing you can do about falling ice and then become angry at the people who put those signs out on the sidewalk to put thoughts in your head about the possibility of dying from a high-speed icicle.

 

I’m torn between A & D.

Let’s play “Remember when…”

Remember when I promised that July wouldn’t be so unpostful?

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA

That’s funny.

But that’s what I get. My mother always told me not to blog promises I can’t keep.

This situation actually kind of reminds me when I say, “I’m not drinking tonight” and then end up taking the toilet to bed. It’s all about extremes. So now you know when I say, “July won’t be so unpostful,” I really mean, “See you next year.”

I thought about a lot of things these past 7 months though. I thought about what I’m going to eat for breakfast. I thought about what I should wear to work. I thought about paper or plastic.

Well let me tell you something………..cereal, a dress and paper.

I’m not going to say I’m back, because Brett Farve told me that’s a bad thing to say. But I will say this:

I hope nobody was holding their breath last July.

‘Til next time…keep breathing.

Yikes. Stripes. Fruit-Striped Gum.

Remember that commercial? It had that zebra dude as a spokesman…spokesanimal. Very cool.

Anyway , I realized I hadn’t posted anything the whole month of June. And to that I say, “Yikes.”

I would apologize but I don’t know who I’d be apologizing to, aside from myself.

“I’m sorry Melissa. I don’t know what happened. Time just got away from me. It’s sneaky like that.”

“I know Melissa. It’s okay. I’m not mad at you.”

“Whew, what a relief. Well…you wanna go grab a beer?”

“Definitely.”

Good talk.

I promise to myself that July won’t be so unpostful.

Just Google It

They should make t-shirts that say that because I would totally buy one.

What was life like B.G.? I read this TIME article that said ten years ago, Facebook didn’t exist and ten years before that, we didn’t have the Web. That means I was four years old and my parents couldn’t Google instructions on how to raise me. What the hell did they do?! Don’t know about you, but when I start poppin’ out rugrats, I’m going to be Googling “how-to’s” all day. Like “how to clean a poopy diaper without looking at the poop and without getting any poop on your bare skin.”

I would pay money–approximately 12 dollars–to see a list of the things people Google. There’s probably a person at Google Inc. who gets to analyze all the terms/words/phrases/questions/full sentences/names that people search. And I bet that person laughs alllllll day. People Google some weird stuff. Heck, I Google some weird stuff. Let’s see, just these past couple days I’ve Googled: myself (not so weird, you’ve all done it),  ”water chestnuts” and “fake glasses.”

So I just Googled “What do people Google?” The results were not as exciting as I thought they were going to be, although “virgin” was at the top of one list. That’s pretty exciting. And disturbing.

Good gracious, one site said that at one time the top search in the Netherlands was “Sponge Bob.” I’m very thankful I didn’t live there during that time because I don’t want to be associated with that annoying poriferan. Sponge Bob is pretty much animated proof that sponges should never be able to talk.

Anyways, now I just came across an “Internet for Beginners” article and the frequently asked question is: “What do other people search for on the Net?” I know I just did this, but in the context of ‘Internet for Beginners’ this is hilarious. Apparently people cannot think of one single thing to search for. Well, in that case, I have a couple suggestions:

1) a brain

2) a head

Be careful on the last one though, my little beginning Googlites. You might get some pretty exciting (and disturbing) results.

It’s Just Good Business

I’d like to say that all of my Allstate-inspired new business ideas have been good. Unfortunately, I’d be lying.

I think I’m just thinking too hard. It seems like many great things, businesses included, started from an AH-HA! moment. Just one of those profound thoughts that slips in there between “Yikes, I need to shave” and “Yes, I do want fries with that.” Da Vinci had tons of them. Bill Gates, definitely. Joseph Gayetty, oh yeah.

Sometimes I like to think about what ah-ha moments I had when I was younger. What did my little self think would be good business? Let’s see, at age six I wanted to be a jaguar. Like the animal. Don’t really know what kind of business I was going for, but it wasn’t long before I realized that this was not possible. That doesn’t mean I didn’t try to make it possible by crawling around on all fours and pouncing on random objects/humans, which perhaps explains my future obsession with the “Animorphs” series.

So then I wanted to be a jaguar doctor or large cat veterinarian. It was around this time that I got my first real pet (after a dozen and two failed attempts at owning a fish)– Phantom. Anyone who knew Phantom knows that he was one special kitty. As it turned out though, caring for a feline was not as fun as actually being one. Especially when he pees on your favorite beanbag.

By age 10 I was set on being a professional athlete. Come on, what little kid didn’t want to get paid to play sports? Come to think of it…what big kid doesn’t want to get paid to play sports?

AH-HA!

Excuse me, I have to go practice.

When in doubt, start a blog

Once upon a time, I saw this Allstate commercial that talked about how Allstate was founded during the Great Depression.

This made me want to start a business. Then, after my business was around for a while, I would make a commercial about how it all began during the Great Recession.

It was a brilliant plan.

But then after I told people about this idea, they started asking questions about my business. I, of course, had no answers. So I thought, “When you can’t start a business, start a blog!”

So here we are. You, me and my product of the Great Recession.

Stay tuned. I’m working on the commercial.